BERTRAM KOSLOSKY has stumbled upon an opportunity which might allow him to destroy the World! Seventeen years back, the Pentagon funded a super-secret, multibillion-dollar Star Wars initiative intended to land a spacecraft on a small iron-nickel asteroid named Sarpedon-E. The mission's intended purpose was to boost the asteroid into geosynchronous Earth orbit where it would be reconfigured as an all-but-impervious base for clandestine US military weapons systems. Something went wrong! Nothing was ever again heard from the mission Survey and Asteroid-Boost Lander Vehicles, until an unexpected e-mail turned up one morning in Bertie's computer in-box! Bert seeks out and enlists the help of five colleagues:
1. Creative technical writer and impractical dreamer MALCOLM MacDOOLEY
2. Taiwanese immigrant math genius Dr. Marcellus Ing PhD, a.k.a.'THE AMOEBA'
3. Erstwhile Russian KGB agent VALERIA ANJELIKA TAMORITSKAYA, weirdly talented, who sniffs-out the plot and travels eight thousand miles to secure for herself a "piss off zee eckshion"
4. JESSICA MOONFLOWER, the group's gorgeous albeit somewhat ditzy Russian-language Translator and bargain-shopper
5. Last (and probably least!) former meth addict and bizarro religious cultist 'NAKED BREE.'
These five oddly-matched wizards have together hatched a plan to redirect Sarpedon-E, taking possession of the asteroid for their own purposes. Is it the Crime of the Century? You might think so, but... not exactly!
Oh yes -- was it mentioned that four percent of this particular metallic asteroid is GOLD?... And its value is ASTRONOMICAL!

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